This is kind of a weird post for this blog but I feel so strongly about this. Since Michael Jackson died I have cried many tears. Even a year later I still get emotional when I see segments on TV about him. Sure, I loved Michael. I remember sitting on my sister's water bed watching the grammys and seeing the moonwalk for the first time. His white glove would send chills down my young spine and Thriller was the first music video I ever saw. I believe the tears come from a remembrance of those memories - as any vivid childhood memories would.
More than the whole Michael Jackson of it, there is so much more. I hear so many people, both famous and not, calling him genius, kind, wonderful and many other complimentary statements. All, I am sure, are true but the tragedy of it is that if he were here and when he was here the acceptable response to him was one of contempt, pity or even disgust - the sure-bet punchline of a joke. Why does death change a person? Why do we wait until someone dies before we take time to appreciate them? Why do we get off on judging and putting down other people? What is the gain there - really?
This is the legacy Michael Jackson has left for me, little Mechelle the girl trying to maintain her weight loss. I hope I can see what people have to offer and then let them know. I hope to find the genius in others and then speak of that genius. I have a renewed understanding that acknowledging another's genius does not diminish me or my genius, in fact it enhances it. Try it and see. Compliment someone today and feel the magic!
Wednesday
Tuesday
The Race Is On
In my "battle back" mode I have to be careful. My instinct is to either cut back on my eating and to push the exercise or to throw in the towel and take a break for a while.
After a week of not even making my bed, I have come to like the lazy life. I have to mentally take each step during this crucial time. I also can not push it too hard on my workouts or burnout will happen. I have to gradually increase my effort. After a week I will be back up to my normal effort but for now I have learned to be the tortoise instead of the hair.
Today's weight 136.8 yeah tortoise ...just trying to look on the bright side.
Really, I am not looking at a number. 136 is a great number. I would have been overjoyed with 147 when I started all this. I never tried to get to a number, I just tried to watch what I ate and why and then my body took me where it wanted to go.
Last night at the pool I was thinking about how grateful I am to have the experience of both heavy and thin. I appreciate so much my body and what it has done for me. I don't think I would have such reverence if I was born thin. I am grateful for the change in me that brings me such satisfaction. I am so blessed - not for a thin body but for the journey it took to get here. And, if that is the case then I have to be grateful for the ride up on the scale as well. Strange but true.
After a week of not even making my bed, I have come to like the lazy life. I have to mentally take each step during this crucial time. I also can not push it too hard on my workouts or burnout will happen. I have to gradually increase my effort. After a week I will be back up to my normal effort but for now I have learned to be the tortoise instead of the hair.
Today's weight 136.8 yeah tortoise ...just trying to look on the bright side.
Really, I am not looking at a number. 136 is a great number. I would have been overjoyed with 147 when I started all this. I never tried to get to a number, I just tried to watch what I ate and why and then my body took me where it wanted to go.
Last night at the pool I was thinking about how grateful I am to have the experience of both heavy and thin. I appreciate so much my body and what it has done for me. I don't think I would have such reverence if I was born thin. I am grateful for the change in me that brings me such satisfaction. I am so blessed - not for a thin body but for the journey it took to get here. And, if that is the case then I have to be grateful for the ride up on the scale as well. Strange but true.
Monday
My Souvenir
We spent 7 nights and 8 days on vacation this last week. We had a great time. I didn't feel like I went crazy or anything but I knew when I got on the scale a number would appear that I wasn't thrilled about. One hundred and forty (spelling it looked better to me) was the first number that greeted me. This morning I am at 137. Time to battle back. It always amazes me how eating out effects me so much. I am going to log my weight for a while so that I, and you, can see how it will play out.
Wish me luck, I am off to exercise for the first time in a week and I am not looking forward to it:/
Saturday
Big Deal
The truth about weight loss is... no more are the days I can have a big stack of pancakes drenched in butter and syrup. Or, if I do then they become "big deals". As much as I would like to fight this truth I can't fight facts.
The goal is to get to the point where the desire to be healthy becomes stronger than the desire to eat the pancakes. This miraculous change (who doesn't love a good stack of pancakes?) does not come from the weight magically being gone and especially not from shear force. It comes from knowing who you are and loving every butt, I mean bit, of it;) It is a leap of faith to believe this is true but those of us on the other side can lend a parachute and help you get here. You are a "big deal" to the universe.
I have "big deal" foods a lot. They are not as scarce as you might think. If a slice of cake breaks your bank then maybe your idea of the size of that bank needs to change. We are not all supposed to look alike - not the same shape or size. Finding the balance between enjoying life and having a healthy body is the ultimate "big deal"!
The goal is to get to the point where the desire to be healthy becomes stronger than the desire to eat the pancakes. This miraculous change (who doesn't love a good stack of pancakes?) does not come from the weight magically being gone and especially not from shear force. It comes from knowing who you are and loving every butt, I mean bit, of it;) It is a leap of faith to believe this is true but those of us on the other side can lend a parachute and help you get here. You are a "big deal" to the universe.
I have "big deal" foods a lot. They are not as scarce as you might think. If a slice of cake breaks your bank then maybe your idea of the size of that bank needs to change. We are not all supposed to look alike - not the same shape or size. Finding the balance between enjoying life and having a healthy body is the ultimate "big deal"!
Friday
Changin' it up
My workout has changed a little. Because I was starting to stare at the time in agony I decided it was time to switch things up. I now do a five and a half minute circuit of sorts. I do one or two sets of weights then elliptical then weights then elliptical until I reach a total of twenty-two golden minutes on the elliptical. Why twenty-two? It is my hubby's favorite number I guess? No reason really. I started at twenty minutes with no resistance and am now at twenty-two on a nine out of ten resistance. I believe in slowly progressing so that I don't tire quickly. There are seasons in life and right now mommyhood requires extra time but all too soon (my baby only has one more year before kindergarten:\ :/) time will be all I have. I imagine trips to the gym will be on the daily list but, as for now, the basement elliptical suits me fine.
Thursday
Science... gotta love it :D
My hubby is taking an online physics class. Why? Who?? What??? Anyway, he showed me this concept he had learned and I thought it was very interesting (said in my best mythical voice). This graphic uses cars and miles per hour. If you started with a car that gets 10 mpg and then changed to a car that gets 20 mpg, you would see the greatest improvement or savings. I relate this scenario to exercise. When you are just starting out, killing yourself may not have any more advantage than a quick 20 minutes. Sometimes more is just more!
Wednesday
"Perfect"
A few years ago we built a new house. This was our third round of house building and with two experiences under our belts I was sure I would end the process with the perfect house.
This morning I remembered how in my last house I didn't have a window in my master bath and how I specifically worked with the architect to make sure my bathrooms had windows. I reminisced about many other "must haves" that I now take totally for granted - having come up with a whole new wish list:/
This type of thing happens a lot on a weight loss journey. Our "if onlys" can knock us to the ground and only a straight head can pull us back up. For the first 20 pounds of weight loss I denied I was losing weight when others complimented me. I was not losing, I was just getting back to normal. When I started to intensely work on the other 25 pounds I wanted only to see below 150 pounds on the scale - I would have settled for 149.5! Although, my "if only" didn't rule my weight loss, I do need to take time now to appreciate the progress. Sure, I could buckle down and lose another few pounds and see a new low but my energy is better spent liking me for me. You and I are so much more than a number on the scale!
This morning I remembered how in my last house I didn't have a window in my master bath and how I specifically worked with the architect to make sure my bathrooms had windows. I reminisced about many other "must haves" that I now take totally for granted - having come up with a whole new wish list:/
This type of thing happens a lot on a weight loss journey. Our "if onlys" can knock us to the ground and only a straight head can pull us back up. For the first 20 pounds of weight loss I denied I was losing weight when others complimented me. I was not losing, I was just getting back to normal. When I started to intensely work on the other 25 pounds I wanted only to see below 150 pounds on the scale - I would have settled for 149.5! Although, my "if only" didn't rule my weight loss, I do need to take time now to appreciate the progress. Sure, I could buckle down and lose another few pounds and see a new low but my energy is better spent liking me for me. You and I are so much more than a number on the scale!
Tuesday
Weighting?
I am debating whether to bump my weights up from 5 pounds. I am not looking to get buff, but I am definitely not getting to burn anymore. Do I even need the burn? What are your thoughts?
Weights are the best. They are a great way to see progress. It is verrrrry slow but an exciting achievement. I could add more reps or sets but exercise for me is a little-time-as-possible event. The other day I had 1 minute to go and it felt like an eternity. Yet, other days it is no big deal. I try to take time to be grateful for the "no big deal" days and survive through the rest.
Weights are the best. They are a great way to see progress. It is verrrrry slow but an exciting achievement. I could add more reps or sets but exercise for me is a little-time-as-possible event. The other day I had 1 minute to go and it felt like an eternity. Yet, other days it is no big deal. I try to take time to be grateful for the "no big deal" days and survive through the rest.
Monday
Tweaking a Theory
My sweet husband has been back on the wagon lately. After many health problems things are back on track and who wouldn't live a little after a year or so of not-so-good. He has been trying to listen to his hunger. It was as he grabbed some chips at 10:30 at night that I saw a loophole in that theory. In "Women Food and God" this kind of listening is key to weight loss. There is no perfect size just what is healthy for you as an individual.
While I absolutely loved the book, I can see one minor adjustment to her theory. First, she says, you have to listen to and love your body. Then feed it what it wants. To me, this step is an advanced one. Food is, after all, fuel. Your body doesn't care what food tastes like or its texture or anything else. It wants fuel to keep your body running. At 10:30 at night your body has not sent signals for more fuel, that hunger is something else. Maybe it is emotional and maybe it is desire for the taste/texture thing but fuel it is not which means it comes from a place other that your normal hunger response.
While food is meant to be enjoyed we don't need it to be enjoyable for our species to survive. Around the world people are eating to survive but here in the USA we are eating to enjoy far more often than for sustainability. Enjoying is not a sin but we need to recognize which beast we are feeding. If more meals feed the enjoyment beast it is called emotional eating. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my food but yesterday's salad for lunch was a choice. I would have preferred the pizza with all the toppings. But, I took stock for a second in where that desire was coming from and a nice movie with a salad and a home cooked tortilla was enough. I was thrilled with the experience.
While I absolutely loved the book, I can see one minor adjustment to her theory. First, she says, you have to listen to and love your body. Then feed it what it wants. To me, this step is an advanced one. Food is, after all, fuel. Your body doesn't care what food tastes like or its texture or anything else. It wants fuel to keep your body running. At 10:30 at night your body has not sent signals for more fuel, that hunger is something else. Maybe it is emotional and maybe it is desire for the taste/texture thing but fuel it is not which means it comes from a place other that your normal hunger response.
While food is meant to be enjoyed we don't need it to be enjoyable for our species to survive. Around the world people are eating to survive but here in the USA we are eating to enjoy far more often than for sustainability. Enjoying is not a sin but we need to recognize which beast we are feeding. If more meals feed the enjoyment beast it is called emotional eating. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy all my food but yesterday's salad for lunch was a choice. I would have preferred the pizza with all the toppings. But, I took stock for a second in where that desire was coming from and a nice movie with a salad and a home cooked tortilla was enough. I was thrilled with the experience.
Saturday
But still...
I was looking over my food log at when I first started logging. I was surprised at what I saw. I went over my calories a lot. I was averaging 1600 calories a day and then some when I went over. I was steadily losing weight. I loved to get up in the morning to jump on the scale. Those were the best times. I envy you that have that experience ahead of you.
Those early days were full of surprises. I was breaking all sorts of records and my expectations were met and then exceeded. It was not until I started to wonder "if only", that my progress came to a compete stop. Sure, I am now at a comfortable size and weight and this is where I am at my best but still. I can't help but wonder if my mindset change made all the difference.
Those early days were full of surprises. I was breaking all sorts of records and my expectations were met and then exceeded. It was not until I started to wonder "if only", that my progress came to a compete stop. Sure, I am now at a comfortable size and weight and this is where I am at my best but still. I can't help but wonder if my mindset change made all the difference.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)