Wednesday
:/
Today I weighed in at 130.4. I have never seen that low of a number since maybe high school. I do not recommend the way I got there. A whole lot of stress (good and bad) and a nasty bout of stomach flu. It reminds me of that quote from The Devil Wears Prada, "I am only one stomach flu away from my ideal weight". I am not sure the pain is worth the number and Pepto Bismol is not the finest meal I have ever eaten.
Thursday
Thanks Wrigley's Extra Gum!
I found a new yummy treat I had to share. It was 4pm. I was grazing at the cupboards looking for a treat and I remembered I had seen these little beauties by the register. They are delish and totally curbed my craving. They have strawberry shortcake and key lime pie but I bought two mint chocolate chip packs. YUM!
Monday
keeping my head in the game
Once a person looks out over the beautiful summit they look down and it is steep they are and high and they have to stay focused so they don't fall. That is me. It is amazing what kinds of things can trip me up.
1. Other peoples opinions and advice. I include my own advice to all of you out there. The other day I heard Marci Lock say "you only need to do weights three times a week". Not bad advice right? But, I start to question whether my not broken Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday routine needs to be changed. Doubting myself is a sure way to slip up and when you are on a high mountain...not good.
FIX: Keep my positive chant ready to go. You can't chant too much.
2. An emotional eruption. I never know when or where the emotion might come from but "drama" can take my focus and flush it down the toilet. It is not so much that I binge eat out of emotions but when I am stressed emotionally, it is like my whole body is tense and I hold on the calories or something. All my numbers can look good on paper but the scale has a different tale.
FIX: Recognize the "drama". Sometimes I may need a night with the girls...hint hint. Sometimes a good movie. Sometimes a new bottle of nail polish. This understanding is new for me. I am really working on this one. A while back I Tivo'd P.S. I Love You because I knew it would come in handy. It did. A few weeks later a cuddle on the couch with a treat and a blubbery cry was just the ticket for the emotion bringing me down.
3. Be real. I need to remember that being on the top is a not a single number. It is more of a spectrum. For me, 131 to 134 is my best. When I see 135 in the morning I know I am slipping a little. More than what the scale says though, I have to evaluate my thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Sometimes the extra pound or so are from a nice dinner out. Sometimes it comes from a fall and that is when I have to hang on with all my might to keep it from becoming deadly.
FIX: This is why logging helps me so much. If I can see the numbers it helps my mind to be in the right place.
I guess it is all summed up in one phrase. Stay positive. I wish this came easier to me. I can genuinely see all the positives others have to offer but I have the hardest time doing that for myself. I would really like to acquire that gift - someday.
P.S. Speaking of skinny jeans, Vicki, Forever 21 has awesome Jeggins. They are soooo comfy and are forgiving of a minor slip off the mountain.
1. Other peoples opinions and advice. I include my own advice to all of you out there. The other day I heard Marci Lock say "you only need to do weights three times a week". Not bad advice right? But, I start to question whether my not broken Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday routine needs to be changed. Doubting myself is a sure way to slip up and when you are on a high mountain...not good.
FIX: Keep my positive chant ready to go. You can't chant too much.
2. An emotional eruption. I never know when or where the emotion might come from but "drama" can take my focus and flush it down the toilet. It is not so much that I binge eat out of emotions but when I am stressed emotionally, it is like my whole body is tense and I hold on the calories or something. All my numbers can look good on paper but the scale has a different tale.
FIX: Recognize the "drama". Sometimes I may need a night with the girls...hint hint. Sometimes a good movie. Sometimes a new bottle of nail polish. This understanding is new for me. I am really working on this one. A while back I Tivo'd P.S. I Love You because I knew it would come in handy. It did. A few weeks later a cuddle on the couch with a treat and a blubbery cry was just the ticket for the emotion bringing me down.
3. Be real. I need to remember that being on the top is a not a single number. It is more of a spectrum. For me, 131 to 134 is my best. When I see 135 in the morning I know I am slipping a little. More than what the scale says though, I have to evaluate my thoughts, feelings and attitudes. Sometimes the extra pound or so are from a nice dinner out. Sometimes it comes from a fall and that is when I have to hang on with all my might to keep it from becoming deadly.
FIX: This is why logging helps me so much. If I can see the numbers it helps my mind to be in the right place.
I guess it is all summed up in one phrase. Stay positive. I wish this came easier to me. I can genuinely see all the positives others have to offer but I have the hardest time doing that for myself. I would really like to acquire that gift - someday.
P.S. Speaking of skinny jeans, Vicki, Forever 21 has awesome Jeggins. They are soooo comfy and are forgiving of a minor slip off the mountain.
Thursday
I am enjoying the summit... for now
Today I was 132 on the scale. HHAaalelujah!
I wanted to stop for a minute and reflect on some things that got me here. I am always surprised at what is takes to get to my low, although it is always the same few things.
Some facts about my last few weeks are these
1. School started and I have some moments to breath during the day. I love my kids but their many wonderful and exciting stories they have to tell can be exhausting. I would say 95% of the time they are home one of them has a tale to tell. I have a deep desire to be excited and listen carefully and it is hard work sometimes. Alone time...I need it.
2. Right before I lost the three pounds (for those just starting that is like 20 pounds) that have been my closest and dearest friends for months, I scaled back a little on my exercise. The machine says it is only about a 30 calorie difference but to my sweat glands it is a world of difference. When I take a more even pace I seem to do better on the scale. Weird I know.
3. I haven't been as hungry. Points one and two get the most credit for this one. When my mind is cluttered and busy I eat more and when I exercise harder I am more hungry.
4. I have been diligently working on my mindset. Remember all that 2 pound stress? It was real. My confidence was so down. I was constantly cutting myself down inside and then trying to build up motivation over and over again. I realized that I had to start with not letting those negative thoughts even start. I had my positive internal chant ready to go. I repeated it whenever I thought of it and whenever a negative thought popped in my head - even if it was true. "I should exercise". True, but I was downing on myself so I trained myself to stop at the "sh" and chant away. Miracles are what can happen with this kind of habit and not just with weight issues.
5. This is my easier season. I remember last year so many of my friends struggling through Halloween and me not so much. Easter and summer are what killed me. I am trying to let my body have its ups and downs and I really believe that is the best I can do. Giving my body some permission to fail a little makes it better somehow. Like how all the smaller earthquakes helps the large 7.5 "big one" stay at bay.
I am always in wonderment about how much of this journey is a mental one. And, how the littlest things add up to a big thing. As I look out over the summit and see all that it took to get here I appreciate the climb and feel the good ache. At some point you will be enjoying the view and I will be ever so slowly taking each step at a time toward it. It is life. Come what may and love it!
I wanted to stop for a minute and reflect on some things that got me here. I am always surprised at what is takes to get to my low, although it is always the same few things.
Some facts about my last few weeks are these
1. School started and I have some moments to breath during the day. I love my kids but their many wonderful and exciting stories they have to tell can be exhausting. I would say 95% of the time they are home one of them has a tale to tell. I have a deep desire to be excited and listen carefully and it is hard work sometimes. Alone time...I need it.
2. Right before I lost the three pounds (for those just starting that is like 20 pounds) that have been my closest and dearest friends for months, I scaled back a little on my exercise. The machine says it is only about a 30 calorie difference but to my sweat glands it is a world of difference. When I take a more even pace I seem to do better on the scale. Weird I know.
3. I haven't been as hungry. Points one and two get the most credit for this one. When my mind is cluttered and busy I eat more and when I exercise harder I am more hungry.
4. I have been diligently working on my mindset. Remember all that 2 pound stress? It was real. My confidence was so down. I was constantly cutting myself down inside and then trying to build up motivation over and over again. I realized that I had to start with not letting those negative thoughts even start. I had my positive internal chant ready to go. I repeated it whenever I thought of it and whenever a negative thought popped in my head - even if it was true. "I should exercise". True, but I was downing on myself so I trained myself to stop at the "sh" and chant away. Miracles are what can happen with this kind of habit and not just with weight issues.
5. This is my easier season. I remember last year so many of my friends struggling through Halloween and me not so much. Easter and summer are what killed me. I am trying to let my body have its ups and downs and I really believe that is the best I can do. Giving my body some permission to fail a little makes it better somehow. Like how all the smaller earthquakes helps the large 7.5 "big one" stay at bay.
I am always in wonderment about how much of this journey is a mental one. And, how the littlest things add up to a big thing. As I look out over the summit and see all that it took to get here I appreciate the climb and feel the good ache. At some point you will be enjoying the view and I will be ever so slowly taking each step at a time toward it. It is life. Come what may and love it!
Wednesday
Reprise 4
I thought I would reprise one of my first posts. I believe it was number 3! If I had to add anything it would be "ditto" (wishing spelling and punctuation was updated). The ideas I talk about are weird, strange and maybe even deranged. But, so was walking on the moon and so was believing the world was round. Believe in the possibilities! That is really all there needs to be said. (but I'm sure I will find plenty more;)
Hope everyone is trucking along. Remember, everyone has to have the experience in the valley to make the summits spectacular!
Hope everyone is trucking along. Remember, everyone has to have the experience in the valley to make the summits spectacular!
Thursday
Just Call Me Sybil...on a diet (google the movie if you don't know what I am talking about)
I decided I have three very notable eating personalities. I have been keeping track pretty closely but would not be surprised if a fourth showed up or even a fifth.
One personality that shows up wants to eat anything and everything. She is HUNGRY. She is my least favorite. No matter what I eat it is never enough. I have learned to tread water and just wait it out. The worst thing I can do is to guilt myself during this manic period. Guilt and shame only prolongs the problem. Worst case scenario I gain a couple of pounds when she shows up. I learn to embrace the hunger because it is NOT going away>(
The next personality is a sweet one - meaning she only wants sweets. She is not interested in being full and doesn't really feel hunger. She just wants what she wants and a lot of the time sweets are what she wants. This "type" is easier to deal with but again with the guilt - can't go there. I find that if I feed this girl what she wants she doesn't stay long - maybe just a day or two. She tires easily that is for sure. No one wants any one thing for very long. I still try to stick with my calories which is doable. At least she isn't hungry - weird but true.
The third is my favorite. She gets a kick out of healthy. She likes to find the best deals when it comes to food meaning great food for little calories. She enjoys her food more than the other two and the scale always likes when she visits. She will stay a while but like Julia Roberts on The Runaway Bride, if you break her concentration she high tails it out of there. Eating late or when she really isn't hungry sends her on her merry way.
I have yet to figure out when, where and how I can control all their visits. Exercise is a key factor but every once in a while things get a shake up with no apparent reason. Figuring out your different eating, exercising or whatever personalities helps to keep yourself in control, remembering that control is more a spectrum than an exact.
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