isn't there a song about waiting a lifetime for a moment like this?

It is amazing to me that it can take  years and years to figure things out and only a moment to "get it".  Keep working on that figuring out - journal, meditate, pray (for understanding about yourself not to be thin).  Those moments of thought add up and one day all the stars will align and you will understand and have the motivation and have peace about it.  Believe, people!