Yesterday I took the day off. Every once in a while (I think it is hormonal or something) I have to take a day off. It is not quite monthly, maybe every few months. I feel it coming on. I start to feel like a caged animal. I am feeling the weight of discipline weighing on me. My faith in myself starts to break down. Lucky for me I am getting better at dealing with it.
In the past I would continue to fight the fight and try to win, but now I know that eventually that fight is a losing battle. Now I know that when I am feeling this way I tend to stretch my calories each day to its limits - making excuses...lying to myself really. This can go on and on for a few days or even over a week until I explode with self doubt and loathing.
Now I have learned to take a day off and yesterday was the day. I didn't exercise. I ate doughnuts for breakfast and whatever else I was really craving. I wouldn't call it a binge, just a day off. I vegged in bed. I watched "Forrest Gump" and "P.S. I Love You" and cried my eyes out. It was great!
Today I feel so cleansed. I feel so ready for the battle. I feel like I do not want to eat another doughnut for a long time. I feel like I let myself feel the emotions instead of fight them. I took "should" out of my vocabulary for just one day.
I caution that if you have too many days off then your are medicating instead of healing. Only you can tell the difference. If I was medicating then I wouldn't feel better today. I would feel guilty. I do however feel heavy and weak which I am so grateful for. My body continues to bless me with its needs and desires as I listen and obey. Thank you body!
No comments:
Post a Comment