Yes, now we are getting somewhere!
You are so not alone in your thoughts. Skinny people are an in-your-face proof that you have failed. I hear ya.
As with anything difficult, at the end of it one looks back and says “that wasn’t so hard”. It is so hard to understand that at the beginning of the journey. The path looks too hard. But, one step at a time gets you there. You can have that experience too. I know you can. There are a few things that are holding you back.
Your key to success lies in “it makes me feel bad, weak and helpless”. You can’t surrender your power that way. No one should have enough power to affect you like that. Sure, you are not all made of steel – others can hurt your feelings. But, when those hurts shape your own opinion of yourself, we have a dilemma. (and I mean we)
If you do not feel worthy enough where you are, then that is your greatest obstacle. You are probably extra bothered by women that don’t struggle with their worthiness. Women are taught to be ashamed of themselves in order to be humble and when somebody doesn't follow suit they are a witch with a "B" (keepin' it clean). If a group of women were asked to raise their hand if they thought they were beautiful, pretty close to none would raise their hands. If men were asked if they were good looking, close to all would raise their hand.
What if you were the only one to raise your hand? What would be the worst that would happen? What if all the other women looked at you and rolled their eyes at you? What if they all laughed? Sure, I would be hurt or embarrassed at first but I would take some time and, in the end, know that my definition of beautiful doesn’t have to match theirs. I only need to convince myself – others’ agreement does not make something true. No one really sees all our beauty. We show it in all we say and do more than what colors of light reflect back in a mirror.
You have to take responsibility for your feelings. You, get to! From this moment on you do not have to follow any rules - you get to make them. There are consequences to some choices but you have every right to choose for yourself. Choose once to take a different path than the one your brain wants to and it will get easier from there on. Start with a positive thought when a negative thought enters you mind.
Thank you for your honesty. You are a hero for speaking out. You are worth the effort. Failure can only be defined by you. Here is my step one. Good luck to you!
Great post Mechelle. Uncomfortableinmybody, don't let fear stand in your way, it just takes that first step. You need to step before you can walk, walk before you can run. You can get there too. I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteMaria
Great Post Mechelle! Uncomfortableinmybody, don't let fear stop you. Just take that first step. You need to step before you can walk, walk before you run. You will get there too. I'm rooting for you!
ReplyDeleteMaria
Mechelle, I loved your answer. At first I was taken aback by the bold comment. (Maybe next time, post the comment in the answer so we know what you are referencing.)
ReplyDeleteI was proud of you for differentiating between a mean comment and an actual question. Let's start calling you Jillian from the Biggest Loser. She too can see what the deeper issue is in someone's head.
When I thought about it some more, the comment wasn't really mean, just someone who is in a different place. Like you said, the start of a hard journey is the toughest.
Anyone who has been trying to lose weight has had similar thoughts when they feel low and see someone, who on the outside, looks great. The problem with perception is that we never know the whole story. We don't know if they struggle with their metabolism. We don't know if their weight is actually due to stress. We don't know if they work their "A" (keepin' it clean) off every day in the gym. We just don't know.
And.... just to say someone is thin doesn't mean their journey is over. When you have struggled with weight, it is a daily choice. Just like any important outcome - raising children, marriage, school, weight - all of them are about daily choices. Some choices are hard.
Anyway... I liked your answer. Oh, and will you post or e-mail the details on your class - dates, time, location, price? I haven't forgotten about it.